- Around 1989 I buy a lime green body suit one-piece cut out that
- showed my whole stomach and which my mom thinks is racy. It disappears halfway through summer. I think she stole it.
- Around 1998 I visit Emily in London. I drink too much cider,
- which no one told me was not like beer. I do regrettable things. I don’t remember what they were.
- Around 2000 I become taken with firefighter Rick Alm in line
- at the grocery store. I find his fire house and drop by with a rose and my phone number. When he actually calls, I am floored and babble incoherently about television for 5 minutes. He never calls back.
- Around 1993 I move to Stillwater and meet Emily. I fall in love
- with her long red hair, her translucent skin and the purple smudges below her eyes.
- Around 1986 Petra Bauer and I rent Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
- for our Friday slumber party. We repeatedly rewind the tape to watch Jeannie kick Mr. Rooney in the face again and again.
- Around 2008 I push my baby girl Moira out into the world.
- I finally feel whole again.
- Around 1991 I get a job at the Renaissance Festival.
- I serve Root Beer to tourists. I discover that when I don’t wear a bra, I get better tips. I stop wearing a bra.
- Around 2003 I realize my dream to become a teacher. It only
- lasts three years.
- Around 2005 I see Emily at a tournament. She still has
- long, long red hair. She won’t even look at me.
- Around 1985 Mom starts working for a law firm downtown.
- She dons power suits and tight high heels, dyes her hair and paints her face. She comes home late some nights, wine on her breath.
- Around 1990 Chad Callendar presses his warm, full lips
- against mine and slides his tongue into my mouth while we wait for the bus after school. It is my first French kiss. It is amazing.
- Around 1996 I take Approaches to Literature from Cecilia
- Konchar Farr. I suddenly see the whole world through a Marxist Feminist lens.
- Around 1988 I toot in my math class. For the next six years,
- every time I see Chad Poppler, he makes farting noises at me.
- Around 2010 I go to the Midtown Market for lunch
- with my family. In the mash of people, I see a flash of long red hair and still think of her.
Final Assignment
16 years ago
Megan,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for clearly spending so much energy on this poem! I really, really enjoyed taking it all in.
Borrowing the workshop techniques that Thom reviewed in class last week, I’d like to give you some more specific feedback re my reactions to this particular poem. As you read through my comments, you will encounter some praise as well as polish, some pure encouragement as well as more critical feedback. However, regardless of what it is that I say about what you have written, realize that I am one of many readers and that the unique way that I have interpreted this is by no means universal :)
To begin, I’d like to reflect on my own experience with this week’s assignment by sharing that you accomplished something that I could not re the mixed-chronology poem – you did an AWESOME job of sharing just the right amount of detail per stanza (not too much and not too little), to effectively render extremely vivid scenes! As you might remember from my blog posts for other Swiss classes, I often utilize HUGE / LONG bits of text to express my ideas clearly. Given this pattern, I ended up quickly throwing in the towel with the mixed-chronology poem as I just found it IMPOSSIBLE for myself to build each and every section with such a calculated amount of detail – when I got rolling with each stanza, I simply couldn’t contain myself. After struggling with the mixed-chronology poem, I found the short prose poem much more accessible as it still required the same concentrated detail, but forced me to focus on ONE vs. MANY scenes. But, I am beginning to ramble. In short, I really think that you did a SUPERB job of negotiating detail across so many times, scenes, and situations. For instance, I especially enjoyed the stanza where you state:
Around 1986 Petra Bauer and I rent Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
for our Friday slumber party. We repeatedly rewind the tape to watch Jeannie kick Mr. Rooney in the face again and again.
In this stanza, you just don’t tell me via generic language that you and your friend watched movie and enjoyed. Instead, you show me a specific scene that you watched (Mr. Rooney getting kicked in the face), further stating that you watched it “again and again.” This was brilliant to me. Also, I picked up a deeper implied meaning that these slumber parties where fairly regular occurrences in which you and your friend had a lot of fun. Via these specific details in this stanza and across others, I was not only to personally identify with your poem (I can remember laughing hysterically at this specific scene), but I really feel as though I am sitting along side you and your friend laughing.
Given the natural talent that you seem to have with negotiating detail, I’d like to encourage you to take one of your stanzas and re-frame via a prose poem. Basically, I encourage you to really “zero in” on a specific section and see what you can do with it. I am confident that you could utilize the additional (although definitely small) space afforded via the prose poem to even further blow up any one of these great moments of detail. What do you think?
Ok, I’d like to know switch to a little bit more critical of a perspective: brace yourself :) Although I feel as though your specific details are extremely well chosen and effective, I can’t help but sense a sort of dissonance between the title of your poem and what I eventually uncover in the body. To be more specific, I interpreted the title that you have drafted to position the figure of Emily as a, if not THE, main “actor” throughout this poem. However, as I progressed through the piece, I’m not sure I completely understand exactly how / why / where the figure of Emily “fits” / “connects” with the rest of your wonderful details. What do you think? If you re-read your poem, do you sense a similar disconnect? Or am I missing something? (Which wouldn’t be the first, I assure you).
Feedback continued...
ReplyDeleteTo elaborate on this piece of critical feedback, I encourage you to further “zero” in on the figure of Emily herself in a prose poem. If nothing else, spending additional intense time pondering Emily’s relationship to yourself, as well as the reader, might help you further explore the role that she has in your mixed-chronology poem. What do you think?
I hope you found my feedback helpful for you, and again, I really enjoyed reading through this poem. I look forward to seeing more of your writing throughout our course :) See you in class on Tuesday.
-Rick Filipkowski
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNot sure that I can compete with Rick's comments...whew! But, I did truly enjoy the poem and, like Rick, love the way you handled the mixed chronology aspect of it. Rick is right: you have a wonderful ability to zero in on just the right amount of details without going too far. I love how you continue to circle back to Emily and how you give us little peeks into other relationships as well. Because the chronology is mixed, it makes me want to read the poem again and again, more closely each time, like a puzzle I am trying to put together.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, while your brevity for the most part is right on, there are a few moments that I feel aren't quite developed enough. I want to know a little more about the mother. I like how the poem begins with her stealing the swimsuit, and revisits her at the law firm, but I wanted one more stanza about her. She seems important, but unfinished. The same is true for Emily. I felt the one stanza about "seeing Emily at a tournament" is the weakest one, but one of the most important. I would like to know more and crave more description here.
Overall, it's really well done and makes me want to take another stab at this type of poem. Can't wait to read more of your work!
Megan,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this poem, I appreciate its honesty. I am struck by the structure, normally I would comment that each line varies in length and rhythm. I wonder if you did this on purpose? I think that it is VERY effective, it makes me believe that these tidbits are coming back in flashes.
I really like how you have reoccuring themes, especially Emily and her red hair. Though I was hoping that the two Chads in your poem would have been the same (it would have made a nice juxtaposition) but then it wouldn't be so honest i guess.
Thank you agian for sharing,
XXXKIMXXX
Lovely title. Nice use of the form as well
ReplyDelete:-) I imagined Emily as incredibly lovely, and I don't think there is a line in your poem that doesn't serve this loveliness.
I wanted to know more about why Emily won't look, or how close these two were. Does she remember the narrator? Of course, you'd have to hide this information within the form you chose... if it's something you choose to give us.
Btw, I've also taken a class with Cecilia! She still hangs out at the Bean Factory in St. Paul, but I don't think? she works at St. Kate's anymore. Not sure about that.